I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
