they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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