he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
