I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I CAN MOONWALK!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize