haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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