i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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