I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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