you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
