I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
In America we eat man semen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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