: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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