got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
