There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
