i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i came on her dog
cat food counts as protein by the way
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
