Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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