"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
