the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
