the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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