He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
