I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
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I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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