I bet he comes in French.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
