Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
