I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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