I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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