but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
