wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
