My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
