It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my shit smells like andre
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize