Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
