a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
