Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
