Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I licked your asshole in confidence.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
