so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Boobs speak an international language.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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