so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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