He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
