Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
