i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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