last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
