I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
