yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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Life without a bra equals bliss.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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