I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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