i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
