This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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