They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
