Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
