Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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