The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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