I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
