there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
