I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
