Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
