do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
