ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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