we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
