All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My bed smells like the plague
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
