WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
