Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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