I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
