I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you had me at cake vodka
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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