I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
