Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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