you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
